Fields of Gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves 

upon the fields of barley.

You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky 

as we walk in fields of gold.

The Times, They are a-Changin'

Thirteen years ago, I walked across a stage at the University of North Florida to receive my M.Ed. With the exception of  a couple of high school graduations held in their arena, I haven't spent much time there since.
Until this past January...when Isabel began taking language lessons there at The Jacksonville Chinese School on Sunday afternoons. I have been waiting for years for her to be old enough to begin. As a foreign language teacher, I know the importance of being exposed to a second (or third) language as early as possible. While I was in China, I visited a multi-storied version of Barnes and Noble to buy as many Chinese language children's CDs as possible. I wanted Isabel to remember the tones and cadence of the first language she ever heard.
Fast forward five years and she is once again being exposed to Chinese. So, for two hours a week, we trek over to the university for her lessons. Is the classroom management the best? No. Is the pacing wonderful? Nope. Do I care? Not a bit. And do you want to know why?   
Because for 120 minutes a week, my child is no longer... The Asian.
Instead, I am...The White Woman.
And I like that.
I need that. I need to remember that my child's world is not my world. I need to be reminded that while I waltz through my days oblivious to feeling out of place, Isabel is acutely aware of her difference.
We have entered a new developmental stage. You know, the one of growing awareness that, for all our love for each other, there will always be hard things that will be our reality. Being a trasracial adoptive single-parent family, it pops up in different ways. Like recently, when Isabel commented that the Barbie she got in her Happy Meal had "brown hair and brown skin like me, Mommy." Or when I received her recent Valentine's Day card that was addressed to Mom and Dad. When I asked her about Dad, she replied matter-of-factly, "He's in China."


I see changes. In little things and big. In subtle ways and obvious ones.
Yup.. the Times, They are a-Changin'.


PS. After our trek to UNF on Sunday, we discovered the class was canceled due to the holiday. Isabel asked to hang out on the steps for a while practicing her "Take-Aways" (subtraction) in her notebook.
We did.
She did.
Here are some images from then.

Silly Saturday Morning

I filled most of my time waiting for Isabel either reading or writing blog posts. I lived vicariously experiencing what motherhood would be like... especially to a tiny Chinese baby girl.


I also remember being disappointed when folks would suddenly slow down their blog posting after the chid got home. And while I know, logically, that this was an inevitably reality, I found myself sort of sad. I wanted to know what  Life After the Adoption was like.

The irony, of course, being that I am now one of those people.

Life continues. All the more busy with this new baby>toddler>little girl. And so, I find myself with a child at the halfway point of her Kindergarten year and stand in awe at how quickly it has all passed.

Life is good. Isabel fills my life with joy. She is a pack rat, a lover of laughter, the ocean and cheese.

And so, if anyone is still reading this blog, here are some photos from yesterday morning. They totally convey her personality.

Going with the Flow...

I grew up in New England… where each season’s weather was fairly predictable: hot and sticky in the summer, cool and breezy in the fall, freezing cold in the winter and miserably rainy in the spring. The rain in particular, which began in March and pretty much hung around until May, was predictable. The sky would gradually start to darken one day, and then the rains would begin and last for days. I was used to the weather staying pretty consistent. So you can imagine my surprise when, after moving to Florida for college, I was introduced to the daily 30-minute summer afternoon rain shower.  It was amazing to me. Sun one minute, rain the next. Though it took a while for my northern brain to get used to the southern weather, I have come to expect that weather changes here often .. and quickly.

Check out the rest of this post... {and the pictures} over at the photo blog by clicking here.

Progress Report

So, it turns out that this whole Blogging thing is a LOT harder to do with a school-age child than it was when she was a baby/toddler who occasionally slept. LOL!

I just wrote a post (with photos) over at the other blog about Isabel's first progress report. I wish I had the energy right now to be more creative and write a different version of it for this blog.

But I don't.  Though I DO wish I could bottle some of my daughter's energy for myself! LOL!

You can check out the update by clicking here:

or here:  http://www.laureenburkephotography.com/2011/09/progress-report-last-friday-at-end-of.html

Thanks for understanding
(and hope to see you over on the other blog!)

All is Well...

A month in and all is well

 Today marks the one month point of my Kindergartener’s formal education in the public school system. While part of me still cannot believe that we are coming up on five years as mother and daughter, the rest of me stands in awe of the amazing child that Isabel has developed into. She is bright, witty, intuitive and quite the social butterfly. 
Walking through the doors of that school was her first step into a whole new world…a world of discovery, laughter, failure, friends, joy, pain. The whole gamut. 

 The space where her first two teeth fell out last month is gone, filled by the two new adult teeth. 

As quick as that. The baby replaced by the adult. I know that I have 13 years ahead of me before the child as a whole becomes the woman she will be. 

Thirteen years. 

I know that it will fly by in a heartbeat. And I will be writing about how my *baby* is finishing her first month of college. 

Until then, I will try my hardest to be present. To enjoy moments like this morning’s, when, as she waited for her Vanilla Bean mini Scone, she excitedly announced to the folks in line that “My Mom got paid today!” To embrace the time of reading bedtime stories together and listening to Veggie Tales in the car. To experience bittersweet times of growth, like her decision to walk to her classroom by herself today.

The next decade will be filled with change and growth…for us both. And while there is a tad bit of apprehension, if these last five years have been any indication, the adventure has just begun.

Love is in the Air

“As the ocean is never full of water,

so is the heart never full of love”

 

With the exception of when I studied abroad, I have always lived my life within 30 minutes of the Atlantic Ocean. There is something about the sound of gulls and the smell of the salt on the air that comforts me, embraces me, calms me. The sheer enormity of the ocean helps me put things into perspective. There is a peace that envelopes me; the waves rolling in and out, in and out… they remind me of the cycles of life.

I was there last month, an hour before sunset to shoot an engagement session for a colleague of mine. I seriously couldn't have asked for a more perfect evening. The beach was deserted. The weather was not too hot. There were gorgeous clouds in the sky and the sunset was spectacular. It was a photographer's dream come true.

And that was just the setting.

As D.H. Lawrence put it,

"I am in love - and, my God, it is the greatest thing that can happen to a man."

Indeed, it would seem to be.

You can check out images of this session

over at the other blog by clicking here.

{Thanks for visiting}

 

Seeing What Isn't There

Please check out my new post over at the other blog.
http://www.laureenburkephotography.com/2011/09/seeing-what-isnt-there.html
Hope you enjoy!

Isabel and Irene

We were lucky. 
Hurricane Irene stayed off the coast 200 miles from us. We were spared the destructive effects of her and were left with some magnificent waves.

I brought Isabel with me this past week 
while I was scouting a location for
 an engagement photography session 
at the beach.

It was about an hour before sunset 
and the light was glorious.

As I looked up, I was amazed (yet again) 
at the beautiful little girl Isabel has become.

She lost two teeth the week before last 
and just finished her first week of kindergarten.

My baby is gone forever. 

And while, there is a deep sadness over that, 

its impact is softened by the joy of seeing 

this amazing child.

My child.

My love.

Leaving Comfort Behind

So, you might ask... where have I been lately? Well, I have been working hard this summer building my photography business and am excited about how it is growing. This past week I had three sessions: two high school seniors and one fellow photographer from Miami. The photo shoots with the two girls were totally in my comfort zone. I love teenagers. As a teacher I am surrounded by them 8 hours a day. I get them. I enjoy them. I am recharged and inspired by them. And while having two sessions on the same day, 12 hours apart is not the ideal scheduling... it was fun and relaxing photographing the two teens.

Well, that is as relaxing as 98 degree Florida heat can be... : -0

Two days later, I had another session. This time with a fellow Floridian photographer. She was in town visiting with some friends and we had communicated earlier in the month about me taking her pictures. I knew that her session would be different and that I would be stretched. So I agreed.
And it WAS different. I am used to the insecuities that come with being an adolescent. With Kenia, it was very different. I loved that she was someone who was comfortable with her body...and knew how to position herself. I also loved that she was comfortable with a camera... albeit, her comfort usually lies on the other side of the lens.

What was out of my comfort zone was the edgy feel of the whole shoot. I am used to a more soft look, both  in dress and in environment. But, I realize it is important to grow. And so I took the plunge and went for it.

And I liked it.
I liked the strength that is portrayed through her.
And I liked that I, myself, grew stronger as a photographer because of her.

For more (and to see the photos), click here.