Mother Bridge of Love

Four years ago today - somewhere in the small city of Wannian, Jiangxi, China - a woman gave birth to a tiny baby girl. The little information I have lets me know that she only kept her daughter for one day… 24 short hours… before leaving her on the steps of the Wannian City Hospital. I will probably never know the circumstances concerning her decision.  (My heart tells me that she – like most mothers in her situation - waited in the shadows to make sure her baby was found, before walking away.) She lives in a world as different from mine as can possibly be. I don’t pretend to even begin to imagine the pain of giving away your child less than a day after bringing her into the world. It is a bittersweet thing that my joy and happiness come at the price of such pain. I know that today, on the other side of the world, a mother is grieving.

And so, tonight, I offer up a prayer that somehow, some way, God would give her a peace, that she would know in her heart that the little baby girl that took her first breath four years ago today is a strong, intelligent, happy girl with an impish grin, contagious laughter and a tender heart.  That she is compassionate, generous and stubborn… that she wears her heart on her sleeve and has a deeper understanding of empathy than I do. She is her four-year-old daughter. My daughter. Our daughter.

Mother Bridge of Love 

Once there were two women who never knew each other.
                                                                  

One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.

Two different lives shaped to make you one.
                                                                                        

One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it.
         

The first gave you a need for love. The second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.
         
                                                               
One gave you a talent. The other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions. The other calmed your fears.
                         

One saw your first sweet smile. The other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home that she could not provide.
                                                                        

The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me, through your tears,
                                                                                                

the age-old question unanswered through the years.
                                                                                                     

Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
 

                                                                                               

Neither, my darling. Neither. Just two different kinds of Love.

~Anonymous

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas....

I just LOVE that mischivous grin!

Birthday for La Princesa

Take five sweet girls from China

Add copious amounts of balloons, paint, sugar (and wine)

and you get a wonderful afternoon Princess birthday party.

How thankful I am that my daughter gets to grow up among such sweet friends and sisters.

Princess Party Preparations

La Princesa turns four on Tuesday - a school day- so the party is tomorrow. IT will be small, intimate and fun... even if the original plans for it being outside (where it has been since coming home from China) are being rained out.

I spend most of the day working on this castle cake. It came out even cuter than I expected. I can't wait for Isabel to see it.

A New Take on A Balanced Breakfast

And now, to answer your two questions:

Yes, she IS asleep

and

No, I don't know HOW she is doing it.

(My thighs hurt just THINKING of it!)

Never a dull moment in this house.
: )

Three Years Ago Today...

December 1, 2006


... I sat in my classroom and watched as the face of my long-awaited daughter appeared on the computer screen. She was exactly one week shy of her first birthday. The picture was taken when she was about 9 months old. Her fluffy little hair was standing up and was apropos for a child born in the Year of the Rooster. Though I would not hold her in my arms for another 7 weeks, she won over my heart instantly.

What a glorious three years' journey this has been!

Each year on this date, I take a picture of Isabel holding her referral photo. Just amazing... the changes in so short amount of time.

December 1, 2009


December 1, 2008



December 1, 2007

Fun at the Light Boat Parade

Woo Hoo!

The tree is up and it's not even December!

(A far cry from the year that it got decorated in January...)

So Much For Which To Be Thankful

I am blessed beyond measure...




If you look closely, you can read Isabel's answer to her teacher's question: "What are you thankful for?"
Her answer: To snuggle with Mommy.
(Be still, my heart.)

Dancing Girl

Chinese Lessons: Week Three

Bye-Bye Barbie Mane

So... after a wonderfully lazy Sunday afternoon nap, I woke up to a flower on the table beside my head. My sweet daughter had gone out in the backyard and picked it for me.

(Apparently, that was not all she did while I was asleep.)
Perhaps a future in high end hair styling?

Three-year-old School Pictures

At the Beach

You roll down the window
And even before you see it
You smell that salty, ocean scent
You already know you're there
At the beach

As you walk on the shore
You feel the sand filling the gaps between your toes
You hear the soothing sounds of the waves
At the beach

There nothing better than the beach
Where beauty was given its name
Where Happiness cannot be expressed
At the beach

By: Khalid




[Playing with features on my new camera. Click photos for details.]

First Day of Chinese Lessons

Isabel had her first official Chinese lesson this morning. A mother from our local FCC group coordinated all the details to start a small group (six children) of 4- to 6-year-olds. It should be fun. (Another group of 5- to 7-year-olds started their lessons this past summer.)

I knew all of the other children through FCC and Isabel was already friends with two of the girls. It looks like the children are going to get along fabulously!

The Homestretch of the Sugar Mountain Marathon

As a rule,I don't let Isabel have a lot of candy. She is happy if she gets an occasional lollipop or peppermint.

After reading some suggestions from other folks, I went with the idea of letting her eat all she wanted of the Halloween candy, from her school party on Friday through bedtime tonight.

While last night was a bit rough - she was awake until almost 11:00 singing what sounded like Broadway tunes in the next room - I think it was a good plan. She had her full, had that sugar high, and the obligatory crash that followed.

With the exception of the candy canes at Christmas, I have a 3.5 month reprieve until the next round at Valentine's Day.

Vintage Halloween ~ Now and Then

October 2009































October 2008




October 2007

I've Been Pretty Testy Lately

While I certainly understand the need for assessment in education, there comes a point when absurdity is reached. That absurdity reached a climax this past week when my poor students had to take national PSATs on Wednesday, a state MAP exam on Thursday, a course unit exam on Friday, and a county quarter exam on Monday. I was exhausted and I only had to grade two of the four! I am glad that my grades are done and that tomorrow I can focus on planning for the next 9 weeks.

Thoughts

Remember when you go into the world to keep your eyes and ears wide open. And be kind. Love one another. Take care of each other. Tell the truth. Always do your best. Listen to the big people and the little people. Explore new paths and have fun. Know that you are loved like crazy. Give thanks for all your blessings. Above all else, love and you will do wonderful things in this world.
                                                             ~Rebecca Puig

Upon arriving home from China with Isabel (and desperately trying just to keep my head above water) I remember friends telling me to enjoy this time because it flies by and soon that little baby is gone. As we were heading into her school this morning, I looked at Isabel in her little tutu with a cardigan sweater on and thought to myself ... they were right. In what seems like a blink of a eye, my little one year old has been replaced by this lovely little girl. In less than two months Isabel will be turning four. Just two years ago, she was but a wee one. Each day the world unfolds more of its wonder to her and she soaks it up. I am both humbled and amazed at this age. 

I do, however, miss my baby.

[Toddler Transcript]

Thank you Jesus...

for today....

for Mommy and Isabel

and Mommy and Bart Bart (our kitty that had just died).

Miss him Love Bart Bart

Amen.

Healthy Eating can be fun!

Nothing like a well-balanced face dinner to start off the weekend.



[Isabel's Dinner tonight.]

Playing for Change

I just watched this.
I dare you to do the same and not have your day start with a smile!



From ABC World News:
Filmmaker Mark Johnson had a simple idea -- that the world can be connected through music.Johnson's dream began a decade ago in a New York City subway. He heard two monks playing music -- one had a nylon guitar and the other was singing. They were wearing robes and painted white from head to toe. About 200 people had stopped to watch them, ignoring the train as it came and went. Johnson realized he was standing in the midst of a group that normally wouldn't converge -- they were brought together by the music.

"We had the idea to travel around the world, record different musicians playing their own songs, interview them about how does music persevere through struggles, and then connect them with the songs around the world," Johnson said.

What one person with a dream ( and the determination to make it happen) can do. Wow.

Almost Tempted....

Have I mentioned lately just how much I love my job? I LOVE the school where I teach, the administration I work under, my colleagues and the amazing students I get to spend my day with. However.... I must confess, when I heard this, I was pretty tempted to send my resume to Austrailia.

Three Word Sunday

Moons and Balloons

What a great day! Headed out to a park near the beach to celebrate Friend Lucas' 5th Birthday. Yummy cupcakes, fun swings, colorful balloons and of course, the pinata.



We then headed out to another park that was actually on the beach to celebrate the Mid-Autumn Moon Festival with out local FCC group.



You couldn't ask for a better night. Everyone just brought blankets and picnic dinners and we relaxed while waiting for the Harvest Moon to rise over the horizon. Coming over the dunes, laced with sea oats, you could hear acoustic guitar playing in the background. The kids were scattered all over the beach competing in Moon Cake- (insert Moon Pie) eating contests, making lanterns, rolling eggs, hopping in three-legged races and of course, building sand castles.








As the evening drew on, someone put in a CD of Chinese instrumental music which played softly against the laughter and splashes of the kids who had, by that point, decided to jump in the water regardless of whether or not they had on a bathing suit. Looking back from the water in the growing dusk, the beach was dotted in tiny yellow lights of many lanterns.
Simply a glorious night.

Twinkle Toes

It's been a month since Isabel started ballet lessons. I really liked what I had read about the dance company but, until yesterday, had not actually met the teacher in person. My schedule at school yesterday allowed me to fly over to Isabel's school for about 5 minutes and actually see the (ballet part of the) lesson. So cute! I loved watching the lesson unnoticed for the first couple of minutes. Then, when she saw me, Isabel came flying over for a big hug and then returned right to her place. I stayed for another 3 minutes, at which point the battery on my camera died.
Not to worry. I was able to capture just what I was hoping for.

Three Word Sunday

It's that time again...summing up something this past week in three words. Started by Pug Mama, it's a fun exercise in being concise.

This week, it was a no-brainer. After years of waiting, my dear friend Laurie arrived home from China last night with her new baby daughter Hannah. Pure joy.

Cloudy Forecast

While crossing the bridge on the way to school yesterday morning, Isabel asked what kind of clouds were in the sky.

I told her they were Cirrus clouds, at which point she replied:
"Why are they serious?"

On Being Generous

Character
I know it when I see it. I have had students over the years who shine among their classmates, not because of physical beauty, or intelligence, but because they possess incredible character qualities.

I remember when I was thinking about how I wanted Isabel’s room to look... long before she ever came home… and I came upon an article in some designer magazine. It showed photos of a child’s room and painted in large, beautiful letters were ten or twelve character qualities encircling the top of the wall near the ceiling. I thought about how amazing it would be to wake up and look at words like: kindness, thoughtfulness, faithfulness, generosity. I never got around to painting the words. .. maybe some day I will. But that image of the room came back to me this week during a meeting with the director of Isabel’s school.

In the middle of our discussion, she mentioned something that had occurred about an hour before regarding Isabel. The children had finished lunch and were getting ready to take a nap. The mats were all laid out and the children had their sheets and blankets on top. Apparently, one little girl had forgotten her bedding. She was just laying there when one of the teachers heard Isabel say to her friend, “Here, you can have my blanket. Then you won’t get cold.”

As I did when I was first told this, I am tearing up right now, just thinking of it. I am so aware that my child has a strong sense of empathy. This summer, she was pretty troubled about a homeless woman who, for about a week, camped out at a bus stop on our route to school.

She tunes in to people who are in need and feels compelled to take action on their behalf: from sharing candy with a child at the grocery check out lane, to wanting to take a homeless woman to our house for the night, to giving up her own blanket to someone so that she could be warm. I am amazed at how this comes so naturally to her.

While driving home later that day, I mentioned to her that I heard about how she gave her blanket to her friend. Without fanfare and in a rather matter-of-fact way, she simply said, “I was just being generous, Mom.”

Yes, you were. May I continue to learn from you each day, my child.

Three Word Sunday

It's Three Word Sunday again. Thought we'd spice it up a bit this week by submitting a video instead of a photo.

"The Polka Dot Girl, The Music Girl and The Cinderella Girl"

What you get when little girls are allowed free reign with limitless options from Dress-Up.

At Long Last! Motherhood for Laurie

Fellow teacher, book club sistah, and dear friend Laurie just had her daughter Hannah placed in her arms this morning. I don't think I have ever seen someone whose face is glowing with motherhood like hers does in the latest pictures. What joy.

Three Word Sunday

Started by Pug Mama Three Word Sunday is a fun post in which you sum up your week in three little words. You can sing it, you can say it, you can write it, you can draw it. It can be funny or sad or poignant as long as it’s honest.

While getting everything ready to feed the ducks, a rather impatient pigeon decided to go with a more aggressive approach to get bread.
How rude.

Tea for Two.... or maybe four.

I was cleaning in the kitchen and walked by Isabel's room only to see this.....


and then a half hour later, this.....
Sooooo..... do you think she might be just a "tad" obsessive compulsive (or as I like to call it "perfectionistic organization".

We collect all of our old bread, rolls, muffins and crackers in a plastic bag to feed the ducks. This morning we ventured to a different pond and fed not only ducks but pigeons and turtles as well.

First Day of Ballet and Tap Lessons

Seven little girls plus
assorted dancewear and footwear
and one dance teacher
Equals an hour of fun

(The last picture cracks me up. She looks like she's about to do an Irish jig!)

Geeez! (Or Should I Say Cheese?)

Okay, I'll admit it. There are some things that I won't compromise on in the area of food. You will never find margarine in my house, only real butter. The same goes with cream... non-dairy just doesn't fly with me. It's always been real half-and-half.

My preferences are not limited to just the dairy aisle either. When I started baking, I quickly realized the superiority of the flavor of real vanilla extract compared to imitation. Then, about ten years ago (more than likely after watching a cooking show) I stopped buying powdered parmesan in the can and opted for a small chunk of parmesan to be able to grate fresh cheese on my pasta.

Well, it turns out that Isabel just LOVES this parmesan cheese. Once she tastes it, she wants nothing else. In fact, she would be quite happy to just sit and eat a bowl of grated parmesan. As her cheese intake increased, we started to go through a chunk of it a week. So... I decided to spend the money and get a nice BIG wedge of Parmigiano-Reggiano that would last us quite a while.

The wedge came out for tonight's supper. Freshly grated cheese on some steamed broccoli... yummy! After dinner, I got side-tracked. I was busy doing something when... I noticed... IT! You know..IT, don't you? IT is the sudden silence that fills your house and you just KNOW it is because someone is up to no good. I called out to Isabel. She came right in to the living room.

All seemed fine. Maybe I was too quick to be suspicious.

Maybe not!

A little while later, I walked into the kitchen and noticed Isabel's little step stool positioned directly in front of the stove (upon which was placed the aforementioned cheese. I didn't think anything of it until I got closer and noticed teeth marks all over it.

Just GRATE!!!

(For some entertainment, click on the picture and enlarge it to see close ups of the teeth tracks.)

Three Word Sunday

Photo Shoot in the Park

Fellow AP Eric is looking to expand his photography business to a full-time status. The guy is amazing. He soooo captured the spirit and life that makes Isabel...well, Isabel! [Click on the images to enlarge them and see the details.] I am so thankful to have these images captured. What a gift.

The photo shoot was a week ago Sunday. Isabel and I met him early in order to catch the morning light and to beat this oppressive August heat. (Thankfully, there was a Starbucks!)

The magic he did that morning is online. These are just a few of my favorites. 

Book Store Fun

After our FCC monthly dinner last Saturday, several of us walked over to Barnes and Noble to look at some books. It was like a dream... each of us (including the girls) found a book to our liking and read quietly in the children's section until a little before closing....

Yeah... RIGHT!!!!!

Driving Miss Daisy

Seriously folks... how can you NOT smile at this? We had walked out to the car, when I realized that I had left the outside light on. When I came back from turning it off, this is what I saw.

Why my life is filled with laughter.

Three Word Sunday

Started by PugMama, Three Word Sunday is a fun post in which you sum up your week in three little words. You can sing it, you can say it, you can write it, you can draw it. It can be funny or sad or poignant as long as it’s honest.

Because she is such a peanut, I am often asked if Isabel eats anything. Answer? She eats a LOT!!!!! She is just so full of energy and in constant motion that she burns it all off...and more!
[Mental note: How can I bottle that for me?]

We had our monthly dinner with our local FCC group. Before playing a hearty game of "Catch Me if You Can" with the other kiddos, she had a "little" bit of dinner. The photo above is what she ate!

Enjoy my three word pic!

Something Fun For The Listless

Saw this on a blog. It was fun to do and interesting to look over my life. 48 out of 99 is not too bad.

Here are the rules:

Bold the things you’ve done and post this list on your blog then leave me a comment and tell me you did this so I can go see! I have starred those things I still want to do.

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower*

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyworld

8. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Written something that was published

11. Bungee jumped or parachuted

12. Walked across the Golden Gate Bridge

13. Been in a fist fight

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Seen the Rings of Saturn with a telescope

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when not ill

24. Built a tree house or snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a marathon*

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice*

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Fired a gun

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors*

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Visited the Leaning Tower of Pisa

39. Gone rock climbing (if a rock climbing wall counts!)

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke!

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal

44. Visited Africa

45. Cried yourself to sleep

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Visited the Eiffel Tower

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling*

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Pretended you cooked something from scratch when you didn't.

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie or commercial

56. Visited the Great Wall of China*

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia*

60. Served at a soup kitchen*

61. Sold something door to door

62. Gone whale or dolphin watching

64. Donated blood, marrow, etc

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp*

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter*

69. Held onto a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten frog legs or caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Time Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Done something illegal

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Sang a solo

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car*

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Climbed a mountain

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had surgery

89. Directly saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club (one of the best things I’ve ever done!)

93. Seen a loved one die

94. Given birth to a baby

95. Visited the Alamo

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Sent a text message while driving

99. Been stung by a bee

The Art of Childhood

This amazing art museum has free admissions on Tuesdays. This was my first venture there with Isabel in tow. We met up with friends and the the girls had fun exploring the hands on children's area. The museum itself is set among beautiful English and Italian gardens that border the river. Little watercolor kits are provided for the children to take outside and paint among the gardens.

It was so heartwarming to see children scattered among steps, lawns, and flowers painting away. After Isabel and Annabelle painted their pictures, they decided to explore the gardens... and ending up with an unexpected dip in one of the fountains.

Why oh why didn't I think to take a picture of THAT?

Laughing with Lucas

My sweet friend and colleague Norma has a son that is a little  more than a year older than Isabel. They have been good friends and love spending time together. We were able to have a playdate on Saturday and, let's just say that the dancing that broke out looked like a cross between Riverdance Gone Wild and Elaine from Seinfeld.

(This is gonna be such great blackmail when it's time for them to go to their high school prom.)

Public Enemy Number One

This little girl was adopted by an American family in China a week ago. Her parents are being forced to leave her behind because the US Consulate will not issue a VISA or a WAIVER to enter the USA due to the fact she has TB. The parents were never told she had TB, at the physical in Guangzhou they did a TB test and it came back positive. Turns out the Orphanage KNEW and didn't share this fact with the CCAA or the US agency. The little girl Harper has been legally adopted by her new parents and is no longer a ward of the Chinese State...she is in effect a lost child, her birth country no longer bears responsibility for her, and her new parents are not allowed to bring her back to her new home and country. She is not contagious! The CDC refuses to issue a waiver to allow her to come home to receive the rest of the treatments she needs.*

*This information taken from the family's website.

The goodbye was captured on video. It is ~ 7 minutes long. The last 2 minutes are heart wrenching. If anyone has connections, PLEASE step in on this family's behalf. They are living every international adoptive family's nightmare come true. 

The Thought Process of a Three-Year-Old

We have two cats. One of them, Buddy-Cakes, has been with me for almost 15 years. I adopted him and his brother Bart from The Humane Society. They were littermates and inseparable. Buddy was the laid bak one and Bart the Fussy one. Two years ago, during preplanning, my sweet Bart died in my arms. I was shocked by the depth of my grief. About four months later, I got a little six-week-old kitten that looked like Bart for Isabel's second birthday. She named her Lulu.

She is a beast. The cat, that is... not Isabel. After so many years I had forgotten about the kitten stage. You know, the "I-am-the-center-of-the-universe stage. Fortunately, she has mellowed out and settled into the start of her adult cat life.

Buddy, on the other hand, is getting old. Lately, his age has become more and more evident. He has lost a LOT of weight. (Only 5 lbs now). He moves slowly. He has lost a lot of body mass and his bones are sticking out. I know his time is drawing to a close and I am appreciating each moment with him.

Isabel has been very good about understanding this. We talk about how being old changes the way we can move. I have explained that Buddy moves slowly because his bones are old. She seems to grasp this concept.... which made this morning's comment all the more fascinating...and entertaining.

We were on the way to school this morning when we saw that the railroad crossing was down a train was moving VERY slowly across the intersection. As I pointed it out to Isabel, she said:

"Mom, that train must have old bones."

I had no idea what she was talking about. She repeated herself and than (as if to clarify it for me) continued with:

"It's moving slow like Buddy-Cakes."

I just LOVE getting glimpses into how her mind works.

So logical.

So simple.

So refreshing.

Room for Change

When I bought this house five years ago, I knew immediately which bedroom was going to be mine and which was going to be Isabel's. I have a good sense of color and can see things is my mind's eye. I knew just how I wanted Isabel's room to look and it is just as I imagined. I knew how I wanted my room to look and it, too, is just how I envisioned. The third bedroom, however, is another story. Since I never had a concrete idea of what it was going to be: (maybe an office? den? guestroom? ), I never could SEE it in my mind.

Long before Isabel arrived, it was a guest room with a daybed. I painted the walls a deep ochre color and bought burgundy and gold drapes and linens.
It was nice... It was coordinated...

It was never used.

I ended up giving the daybed to a colleague and bought a big armchair and ottoman. I moved the television in there and it became a den. And it WAS used. But... it slowly became a dumping ground for all of the toys and junk that Isabel had accumulated. So, I set up the little sunroom off the kitchen as a playroom for Isabel. It worked well. Her stuff was out of the den. I got to keep an eye on her from the kitchen. Things went well ... while she was one- and two-years old. However, the room started to shrink as she hit the three-year-old mark. And so, I racked my brain on what to do.

The answer became clear when, upon buying a new flat screen TV for the living room, I gave away the old dinosaur set I had in the den, along with the table it sat upon. Since I had already moved the armchair and ottoman out, I knew that I could make this Isabel's new playroom. I could finally "see" it in my mind as a fun, organized, happy room. However, this room in my mind was a FAR cry from the reality of what lie before my eyes. The room had become a dumping ground and looked more like a cross between an archeological dig and the aftermath of a a tornado strike than any place a child would play.

I knew the job of making the vision a reality would take a lot of work. Yesterday I finally tackled it and was able to finish this afternoon. I really like it. While I still need to paint the walls, it is a bright, colorful, happy place and the afternoon sun pouring through the windows makes it a place of light. The room's purpose has finally been found. See Isabel's reaction below. Apparently that purpose includes making banana bread. ;-)

Summer Collage

Reality Check

I have always been moved by the lyrics of this song but until tonight had never even seen the group members, never mind the video. And so, it was with much surprise that I found myself on the couch with tears pouring down my cheeks at the images. One after another, images of people holding photographs of those they have lost, came on the screen. The one that hit me the hardest was of an old woman in a wheelchair holding a photograph of her wedding day. I have a photograph of my grandparents that is almost identical to it. Same era. Same style wedding gown. I was hit with a wave of grief over how much I miss me grandmother. She was in her mid 90s when she died and with her death, went the last remaining string that held my very large (and geographically scattered) Irish Catholic family together.

During my trip to New England last month I was able to reunite with some family members that I hadn’t seen in years. The last time I saw one of my cousins was at the funeral of my grandmother almost eight years ago. She was my last living grandparent. Seeing my cousin’s face after so much time… visiting her home and seeing my grandmother’s sewing machine in the dining room… driving through old neighborhoods from my childhood… it brought a lot of things to the surface.

I mean I know intellectually that people get old and die; that marriages end in divorce; that children are raised without fathers. I know this in my head. But most of the time I dare not know it in my heart. It hurts too much.

I have always been aware of a quiet underlying measure of loss playing in my life. It's in the background, often crowded out by the noise of everyday life. But sometimes, like tonight, I am still. And I hear it. And I weep. Not for just myself. I think also of my daughter. I think of how my parents' divorce has a direct consequence on her life, leaving her with just one grandparent. I think of the loss that she has already endured in her short three years of life. I think of the loss that she will have to experience as she wrestles (and hopefully comes to grips) with what it means to be a transracial adoptee of a single mom.
These are the things I think… when I let myself think.

There is loss. But thanks be to God, there is also hope.

Mercy Me - I Can Only Imagine
Video sent by ramus311

LYRICS:

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

[Chorus]:
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

Backyard Beauty

Enough!

Okay... seriously, folks, is this National Bodily Excretion Week or what? I know that these things are part and parcel of having kids and pets but....REALLY! Tuesday there was this and Thursday there was this all at the same time as this.

Last night, after we got home from feeding ducks at the park, Isabel said she had to go potty. No problem. She's been potty trained during the day since last December. Next thing I hear is, "Mom! I'm peeing. Help." I have no idea what the problem could be. I go to the bathroom and she is standing there with pee running down her legs, all over the floor and her shoes.It was at that moment that I realized that Fridays at her school are Water Play Day and she still had her one-piece bathing suit on. Poor baby. She (and her shoes) went right into a nice bubble bath.

Surely, the week had ended, right?

Wrong!

I just walked into the hall and almost slid a foot as I stepped into a very large pile of very wet cat vomit. (Ahhh... good times!) I hopped (that was QUITE a visual!) into the bathroom to wash off my cat-vomit-covered foot. It was then that I saw another "little" present. Apparently, my daughter is in no need for any more fiber in her diet. There was a Number Two that was so huge it could be called a Number Four.

Oh... and Isabel's nose has been dripping nonstop for two days and now mine is too.

I am SOOOO ready for this week to end.

Today's Correspondence

Dear Mom,
I have an idea. We recycle our milk bottles. We recycle our water waters. Why not recycle my Pull-ups? I have the one from last night that I peed a LOT in. We can recycle it. But I don't want it to be yucky. I know. I'll put it in the washer. Then it will get clean.

I love you, Mom.
Isabel


Dear Isabel,
Recycling is good. Some things are meant to be recycled... like bottles and cartons and newspapers. Some things are NEVER meant to be recycled... like a Pull-up. The reason why a Pull-up keeps you dry is because there are thousands of tiny gel beads inside that absorb moisture... and puff up. Putting one in the washer would make the gel beads absorbs the water in the laundry and get VERY slimy instead.

It is always good to think about new ideas. Some ideas are good. Others are not. While recycling is good, putting the Pulll-ups in the washing machine would NOT be good. We can think of other ways to recycle when you wake up in the morning.

I love you,
Mom

PS I see that I wrote this letter too late...

Midnight Houdini

Thought I might comment that she WAS tucked under the covers in her jammies when I turned out the light. The closed door should have been a clue that something was going on... I don't know what cracked me up more: the books all lined up along the pillow , tucked under the sheets or the outfit she put together, including the silver sparkly shoes.

Too cute. (Or so I thought when I decided to just let her sleep like that.)

Clearly a poor decision on my part, as I was summoned at 3am with an anguished, "I'm wet. I'm sorry, Mama."

My Brain is Exploding!

A great benefit about being a teacher is having the summer off. Before Isabel, I enjoyed being able to travel during the summer to keep my Spanish up to par. Being primarily a lower level language teacher, my vocabulary does not get stretched much. [Think Kindergarten teacher.] I have studied in Spain, Guatemala and Costa Rica.

Each experience was both exciting and a tad overwhelming at times. Let's face it... you get this Irish gringa in a room of native Spanish speakers for a graduate level class and...well, let's just say that it feels like my brain is about to explode. I have to actively think about everything that is being said (as opposed to passively tuning in as I do in my native language.) As mentally draining as these times were, I always came away so invigorated and energized about Spanish.

Being a single mom of a three year old means that I am no longer afforded the luxury of just taking off to another country for a month or two. As such, I was very excited that my district approved my request to attend the week-long College Board AP Institute for Spanish Language. It started today. My brain is completely fried. Eight hours straight of Spanish being spoken by women from Spain, Panama, Puerto Rico, Cuba, Mexico, Colombia. Of the 20 attendees, only three of us are not native Spanish speakers. My head is spinning...Ay Caramba!!!

Only four more days to go. Ojala que sobreviva.

Ohhh...Baby!

We spend the day in Saint Augustine on what was supposed to be a beach day. Mother Nature had different plans and we headed over to a friend's home instead. The kids had fun flying balsa wood airplanes after the rain died down.

I also got to finally meet sweet baby Norah in person. What a doll! I loved watching Isabel interacting with her. This was the youngest baby she had ever seen and I wondered how she would respond. I needn't have given it a second thought; her tenderness and gentleness were so sweet that I welled up. I loved listening to her talk to the baby and bring her items (pillows, books, binky) to share.

It also made me sad to think that, with all things remaining the same in international adoption, she will never have the opportunity to do these things with a baby sister of her own.

A bittersweet moment.

Summertime and the Livin' is Easy

Turns out it IS a Small world after all

After dvd overload during the trip, I felt like a drug counselor trying to get Isabel through movie detox. For the last year or so, the rule has been that she can watch one hour of tv/dvd a day. It usually consisted of 30 minutes of Between the Lions on PBS (I just LOVE that show! Wish I could have been a writer for them), and a 30 minute video during the daily commute. Since the digital tv switchover, PBS has been out of the picture. (No pun intended.) Yes... I may be the only person left in America who does not have cable.

But I digress...

After I picked Isabel up from school yesterday, we went to the library. Can I say that I just LOVE the library! There's something so wonderful about the sitting in a place surrounded by thousands of books, stories just waiting to be discovered. It's been especially exciting watching Isabel's love for books blossom.

While we were looking for some Max and Ruby stories, (BTW, thanks for the heads up, Susan. I had never heard of them before the dvds we were given for the ride), a lovely mother recommended a bunch of other authors. One of them was Lois Lenski. Any of you heard of her? The stories, centered around the Small family, are just delightful. I love the illustrations. Simple and sweet. Last night we read the two we checked out. Isabel was full of questions. (I know,I know... when is she NOT?) I loved it.

Imagine my surprise this morning when I came in the living room to discover her pouring over them. If you didn't know any better, you'd swear she was actually reading. It was a wonderful way to start the day.

Guess Who Dressed Herself This Morning?

pink and brown shirt
+
coral shorts
+
lavender socks
+
silver sparkly shoes
__________________
Priceless

(I was wondering why the shorts were so (shall we say?) tight. It turns out that underneath them, she is wearing a pair of bloomers on top of her Elmo panties.)

Who can understand the fashion sense of a three-year-old?

What a Book Club!

When our local FCC book club had its first meeting 2.5 years ago, I wasn't able to attend; I was halfway across the world on my way to China to get Isabel. Since then, we have had three other daughters come home: Bev's Angel, Pam's Kelli, and Madi's Juliana. It seems only apropos that the celebration of our newest China sister, sweet Hannah Grace, also be at book club. After a LONG three years' wait, Laurie's dream of being a mom is realized. We can't wait to meet her in person.

Congratulations, Laurie and Hannah!

Look, Mom! They're Kissing!

Hmmm.. perhaps I should have limited the number of times she watched Beauty and the Beast and the Barbie Princess DVDs on the trip.

An Image A Day of Our Time Away

SUNDAY: China Sisters in NYC


MONDAY: Jumping into things in Massachusetts


TUESDAY: Rose and Mom in Albany, NY



WEDNESDAY: Pedicures in Massachusetts



THURSDAY: Reunion with Foster Sister Emmi from Watertown, NY


FRIDAY: Running in front of the Boston Children's Museum


SATURDAY: Hugs from cousin Sue in Cape Cod


SUNDAY: Loving time with NaiNai in Hanover


MONDAY: Having fun with cousins up near New Hampshire


TUESDAY: Watching salt water taffy being made in York Beach, Maine


WEDNESDAY: Visiting dear friend Cathy in Boston

New England Vacation

What a whirlwind of a trip this has been. We spent two days driving up the East Coast and met several fellow AP friends whom I've gotten to know through the adoption process: in New York we met fellow single moms Lorraine and MaryHelen, Jana who is mom to another Shangrao beauty named Gabriela, and then Sherry up in Vermont. The highlight was definitely the visit from Denise, Tasia and Emmi. With their arrival, Isabel and Emmi, her foster sister in China, were reunited.

It has not just been a trip about China sisters though... we have been fortunate to be able to spend time with family. Isabel has just LOVED being able to spend time with her cousins Tommy, Hailey and Bridget.(a.k.a The Didge.) I, too, was able to reconnect with my cousins on The Fourth of July with a visit to Cape Cod. I just loved catching up with Suzie and Stacy. And not to leave the other side of the family out... we were even able to spend some time with cousins Cheri, Arianna and Ian!

Best of all, after not seeing each other in over a year, Isabel and I were able to visit my mom. It was a wonderful day listening to them playing games and having tea. Isabel just loves her NaiNai and was so excited to have some one-on-one time with her.

Two more days before we head back to Florida. We head up to Maine tomorrow and then Boston on Wednesday to visit two friends from my college days at Northeastern. We will begin the drive home on Thursday which will mark the close of a wonderful vacation with great family and friends.

Foster Sisters Reunited

Last December I received an email from a woman in upstate New York who, through circumstances that I can only attribute to divine direction, was able to identify Isabel by her Chinese name as the foster sister of her daughter Emmi. The two girls are from the same orphanage but were put in foster care shortly after arriving. Both of us thought that our daughters were the only child with the foster parents. The pictures I had developed from the disposible camera I sent to China showed the same foster mom. Amazing!

Though we live at two different ends of the country (New York and Florida) our summer vacation to New England enabled us to reunite the girls after 2.5 years. A sweet afternoon.

The Florida Burke Girls Meet the New York Burke Girls

We arrived in New York safe and sound. (Well, if you don't count being pulled over at the toll booth by the guy in the uniform... but that's another story!) Isabel finally met Lily and Grace (daughters of a fellow adoptive mom whose name is so close to mine, it's eerie) and Gabriela (who is from the same Chinese orphanage as Isabel.) The girls had an absolute blast. So glad we were able to get together. Thanks so much, Lorraine, for inviting us.

I am having a little trouble uploadin pictures. Stay tuned!

You Can Keep Them!

On the way to pick up Isabel from school on Friday I had to pull over on the side of the road. The weather was horrific...and then I saw my first live tornado. When I got to the school, all of the children were in the center room, away from windows. The weather radio was on and reports said that the fifth tornado had just touched down. Here is some video that was captured on our local news. And this, too!

First Leg of Trip Complete

After a surprisingly easy ten hour trip, (I have been converted to XM radio) we are now relaxing in Virginia.

Twinkles seems to be having some difficulty adjusting to spending the night in a hotel (yeah...RIGHT!!!)

The second leg is a 6.5 hour trip to New York tomorrow. I am excited to be meeting up with a couple of gals who are fellow adoptive moms. The daughter of one of them came home the same time as Isabel; the daughter of the other is from the same orphanage. Isabel is clearly excited about meeting some new friends. The whole way up, she kept repeating, "I can't wait to see my China sisters. Are we there yet?"
[Mental note: Remeber that three-year-olds have NO concept of time or distance.]

Until tomorrow,
Thelma signing off!

Apples, Beans, Maple Syrup and Lobsters

Little Miss Twinkles and I are heading out for our first (really, really) long distance road trip. We'll be visiting family and friends in New York, Massachusetts, Vermont and Maine. Stay tuned for what is sure to be an entertaining vacation!

New Asian Designers Hit America

Introducing the New Summer Collection by Designers
Pan Teel Iner and Isabel Burke,
modeled by Tinker Belle.

[Hint: Click to enlarge for more detail.]

A Cool(er) Idea... At Least Visually

So, in light of the current furnace in which I am living [Insert Florida's upper 90s and lower 100s temperatures of late], I decided to change my dining room and living room to give it a cooler, more summery look. I saw the pillows on sale at Crate and Barrel and just loved the bright green color. I knew they'd go well with the pale green on the walls. I took up the area rugs, removed the drapes from the living room and rearranged some of the furniture. If nothing else, at least it feels cooler. What do you think?

[The only before pictures I had were from December.]

Images of a Sunday Afternoon

Dinner for Fifty...Oh, And Separate Checks, Please!

I am so grateful to live in a city where there is a wonderful FCC community. Not only do we have annual events like Chinese New Year, Dragon Boat Festival and Autumn Moon Festival, we also have monthly activities. While the moms like to get together for our book club we also have play dates and dinners where our girls can spend time with each other.

Tonight was our June FCC dinner and there was a great turn out. I was able to meet some new folks and the kids had fun playing with each other and making some crafts. When I walked out to the car, I was shocked to see that over three hours had passed. How thankful I am that Isabel will be able to grow up with these Sisters from China and have a support system in place as she travels through the journey to adulthood.

Please Go For Option One!

It's the Final Fashion Challenge Friday. Fridays at school during the summer are The triple Crown: Splash Day, Show and Tell and Treasure Chest. Top that off with swimming lessons after school and you have one happy little girl.

On Fridays, Isabel also chooses her own outfits for school. This morning she pulled out two outfits. The first was a cute yellow tank top (which matched perfectly with her yellow polka dot bathing suit) and a pink skirt. I bought cute little pink and yellow plaid sneakers yesterday and the whole ensemble matched.

And then... the second option: blue plaid shorts on top of the polka dot yellow bathing suit with an orange Halloween tee shirt and the pink plaid sneakers.

Hmm... which will it be???

Go for option One! Go for Option One!!!

..................... O well!

It's option Two.

OMG, My Daughter is a Racist… Ooops, Never Mind

You know the drill by now. Morning commute, I’m barely coherent, Isabel is talking up a storm in the back seat and then…she hits me with a doozie. It’s been going on for almost two years. Most of the time, they are quite funny! When they occur, Poor Laurie usually gets a call from me via cell because a) she has a great sense of humor and loves my child and b) I know I won’t remember the details by the end of the day. Thanks, chica!

Most of the time, they are quite funny! I have two all-time favorites.
Last summer (29.5 months) the following took place:

While at a stop light on the way to school one morning, Isabel looked at the truck in the lane to our right and said, “Mom, that man has toys.” I glance over and notice there is a little dream-catcher hanging from the rear view mirror. “Yes, Isabel, that man has toys.” Isabel: "We don’t have toys.” Me: “No, Isabel, we don’t have toys.” There is a 2-3 second pause and then, “Mom, that man has a truck.” Me: “Yes, Isabel, that man has a truck.” Isabel: “We don’t have a truck.” Me: “No, Isabel. We don’t have a truck.” Isabel: “Mom?” Me: “Yes?” Isabel: ”We don’t have a man.”
[I laughed so hard the car behind us had to honk to let me know the light had changed to green.]


Then this past January, there was this:

After her three-year-old check up, we went to "Old McDonalds" for a treat. We get to the drive-thru, I pull up to the speaker and hear an angst-ridden, prepubescent, voice-cracking teenage boy ask for my order. (I didn't think twice about it, as I teach 9th graders and am used to it.) I give him the order and start to pull around the building when I hear from the back seat:
" Whoa! THAT wasn't a girl!... " [Insert 3-4 seconds pause and then...] "but SOO not a man!"
I was laughing so hard, I couldn't even press the button to open my car window.

Other times, Isabel’s will comment on things that bring tears. For all her energy and laughter, she is a pretty perceptive little girl whose ability to process things touches me deeply. The recent incident with the homeless woman was brought up again as we drove past the bench that was, this morning, empty. Isabel immediately wanted to know where the woman was. I suggested that maybe she found a house. Without hesitation and with total conviction, Isabel announced, “She did!” I pray she did.

It is with this background, I bring you to the commute yesterday. We are not even 6 blocks from my house when I hear a police siren. I look in the rearview mirror and see nothing. I continue to drive in the right lane. Suddenly I see the lights in the windshield of an unmarked police car. He accelerates, passes us on the left, and then pulls over the car next to us. All of this is happening as we are approaching an intersection…with a light that just turned red. We had a front seat to the show. I’m watching. Isabel is watching. And then, THIS:

Isabel- I don’t like black police.
Me- (Feeling a pit in my stomach and thinking WTF????) What did you just say?
Isabel- I don’t like black police.
Me- (Determined to find out where this is coming from) Why do you say THAT?
Isabel- I like the white police. I don’t like the black police.
Me- (Starting to hyper-ventilate) Did someone say that to you? At school?
Isabel- No.
Me- (Really starting freak out that racism has entered my daughter’s life at THREE!!!) The white police are good and the black police are good. They are both good. We like all police.
Isabel- (Starting to get irritated with me, evidenced by the not to subtle crossed-arms-over-the-chest body language) Well, I don’t!

At this point, the light turns green and I glance over at the police officer (who, by the way, was WHITE!) and realize that the CAR was black!

I, of course, started laughing (somewhat) hysterically in relief. Later in the day, though, it really caused me to reflect on the whole thing and process what happened. I think that it is important for me to do that. Because I KNOW that this is going to be part of our life together… her walking through the subtle and not-so-subtle racism that lies before her, and me trying my best to give her the tools to do. As a white woman, I’ll never experience what she will. As a member of the majority population, I walk through my life clueless to the judgments that others have passed upon them simply because of their color. I wish it wasn’t so. But it is the world we live in. It is the world that I pray will change with my daughter’s generation. Change to such a degree that this morning’s conversation would never even take place. When a preference of white over black is about a car… and not a person.
Something to think about. At least for me.

First Swim Lesson

I wish I had my camera with me to videotape Isabel when I picked her up at school this afternoon. She was SOOO excited about her first swimming lesson that she ran from classroom to classroom, opening the doors and announcing it to all the teachers.

We were supposed to start yesterday but some kid got sick in the pool and...well, no need for details on THAT one! Needless to say, the class was postponed until today to give them some time to shock the pool with chemicals. When we got there, we saw our neighbors. Isabel and little Berto from across the street are in the same class. He is 6 months younger than Isabel and they are great friends. The lesson was quite fun but was unfortunately cut short due to the lightening of an approaching storm.

In retrospect, I guess I should have talked to Isabel in advance about lifeguards and their whistles. Isabel HATES loud noises. (She flipped out last year when we were on the beach watching the fireworks.) Well, we happened to be seated at the base of the lifeguard chair. Needless to say, Isabel was NOT happy when she blew the whistle to get everyone out of the pool. I have to admit, I even jumped at how loud it was. We'll be back at the pool tomorrow and every afternoon through next Thursday.

And to think... I have been living here for over five years and never knew that the pool was there! (I know where we will be spending a LOT of time this summer.

Water Day

Each Friday throughout the summer, Isabel's school has Water Day. The kids wear bathing suits, bring in beach towels and sunglasses and have a blast.






Though right on the river, there is no actual pool. Sooo, the kids have a blast running around in all sorts of sprinklers, filling up buckets and little plastic pools.



I cracked up when I saw all the little girls' towels lines up nice and neat. (It reminded me of trying to find a place in the sand for my towel as a teenager. The only thing missing was the obligatory smell of Hawaiian Tropic suntan lotion.)

The boys' towels, on the other hand, were dropped all over the place in drippy wet piles. Hmmm... I seem to remember something like that from my former marriage.

The fun continued on into the evening with a pizza-pool party with an outdoor movie at our friend Melissa's house.











The girls all got together and played first...








and then after pizza, everyone headed for the pool.















Hot tub with friends.





Little Miss Twinkles just loves the water and starts swimming lessons on Monday.
As nightfall approached, the movie began. Watching Finding Nemo while floating in a pool on a blow-up dolphin... it doesn't get much better than that.

And I thought MY girl could talk!

I have seen this about ten times and STILL can't stop laughing!

Lower Level Drawing and Higher Level Thinking..... brought to you by the book Harold and the Purple Crayon

I walked into the kitchen this morning to see Isabel drawing on her white board easel. When she saw me she immediately hid her left arm behind her. I was, of course, intrigued. I asked her what she had in her hand, to which she replied, “Nothing.” When I asked her to show me, sure enough, there was nothing in her hand. All would have gone unnoticed had the bright flash of purple not caught my eye. You see… she did answer me truthfully; there was not anything IN her hand. Now, ON her hand…. Well that’s a different story.

Apparently inspired by temporary tattoos she got this past week, Isabel the Inker decided to try her hand (quite literally) at this new venue. I calmly sat down on THAT god forsaken white chair and explained to her (at eye level) that we don’t draw on ourselves. When I asked if she understood, she replied, “Yes, Mommy.” I left the kitchen and headed for a quick shower feeling pretty confident in myself. Fifteen minutes later, I walked back into the kitchen to find this:










Check out that face!!! Can you say REMORSE or WHAT???

That was this morning.

On the way home from the grocery store this evening, we passed by the same homeless woman (complete with her life’s belongings) sitting on the same bus stop bench she had been sitting on when we passed her this morning. Isabel (who notices EVERYTHING) asked why she was still there. I tried to explain to her as simply as I could…(is that even possible when talking about the whole issue of homelessness?) ... that the woman had no home to go to. It was the same conversation that we had this morning when we initially drove past her.

Tonight at dinner, we are eating, Isabel is chatting away and then she gets silent. I look up and she asks, “Is she lonely?”

I have no idea what she is talking about. When I ask her, she responds, “That lady.” It takes me a few minutes (and additional questions) to realize she is referring to the homeless woman. And then…this… “We could be her family, Mom.”

No words. Such a mixture of emotions. Tears of sadness for that woman and all that are like her, tears of gratitude that my daughter understands empathy, and tears of joy that this child is mine.

Quite the day.

June Book Club

FCC Book Club. Another night of great laughter, good wine and wonderful friends.. with three (daringly courageous) newbies that joined us. The book was funny and wickedly poignant.

My New Toy

To Market, To Market....

Last month an amazing Art Market opened. It is held under the Fuller Warren Bridge, along the river, Saturdays from 10:00 to 4:00 from April through December. What an amazing place! There are fresh flowers and plants, organic produce from local farmers, musicians from jazz to bluegrass, artists selling everything from jewelry to stained glass. Turn one direction and you smell strawberries, another direction spices. Turn around and the fresh breeze of the St. Johns wraps you deliciously! There is joy all around.

Can't wait until next Saturday.

Riverside Arts Market from Michael Walter on Vimeo.

America's Next Top Model

Heading out after 12 days of Noah-like weather.



Sparkly headband by Target.
Ariel sunglasses by Walgreen's.
Outfit design by Isabel.
[See other kid selected outfits here.]

Here Comes the Sun.. da da da da

Looking for a Dove

"When the dove returned to him in the evening ...
Noah knew that the waters had receded."
~ Genesis 6

At Last......

After almost two weeks missing, the camera has finally come home to mama. I have felt like I had a limb removed. I didn't have it for Mother's Day which made me sad. I didn't realize how much I have come to rely on having it available to catch all the little everyday moments that make up life. So thankful I had it to capture this snippet of life this afternoon.

For those of us in Florida.. life has been pretty wet! Isabel and I fed ducks at the park on Sunday... at noon... in 95 degree weather. I was dying..thinking to myself, It's only MAY!!!! What the @#%$ is August going to be like? I chatted with a friend in Asheville who mentioned she was chilly and was putting on a fleece. I gotta say, I was having a hard time relating...what with the rivulets of sweat running down my forehead as I listened. Little did I know a reprieve was waiting in the wings.

Later that afternoon, the rain began...soft at first. Sweet smelling. I got to shut off the A/C and open the windows. The temperature dropped 25 degrees. I was in heaven.

That was three days ago. It's been raining ever since. And while I am perhaps one of the few folks left who is still enjoying it, I do prefer rain's orientation to be vertical. Didn't see a lot of THAT today. Instead, it was blowing in horizontally off the river both when I dropped off and picked up Isabel today. Throw in the umbrella doing the ole flip inside out thing and it made for quite the entertaining scene. The rain is starting to have effects around the city. Traffic is crazy. The ground is saturated. My school's campus is under 3 inches of water back where my building is located. It looks like a lake. The kids were actually creating wakes between classes. Ahhh... good times.

By the time we arrived home this afternoon, the rain had turned into a very light drizzle. Isabel saw the puddles and begged to play in them. Why not? I told her to take off her tights and she could play in the back yard. By the time I got to the kitchen, she had half her clothes stripped off and was about to head out the door in her birthday suit. I suggested a bathing suit might be a more appropriate choice. She flew in her room, threw it on and was outside having a blast within two minutes. I ran in the house and that's when the camera appeared.

Apparently, young Mr. Spock no longer needed it for the movie's premiere and transported it back to me. Ahh... live long and prosper.

Note: I just LOVE Isabel's commentary on the video, all the way from "That's aMAZEing!" to "There's no boo boos." You'll need to hit the mute button on the playlist at the bottom of the site page in order to hear the video clip.

[Update: This morning on the way to the car I heard, "It's like an ocean. Whoa! Where did the sidewalk go?" Needless to say...STILL raining.]

Hang-ga-bur-ga and Mow-Lawners

The things that come out of Isabel's mouth never cease to amaze me. Some of them are quite funny. I have posted here some of the previous Isabelisms Most of them are said while we are driving.... which can be potentially dangerous depending on just how funny they are. We were driving home a short while ago and this conversation took place:

Isabel: I'm tired.
Me: Me too. I am pooped.
Isabel: Eeeww! You said a BAD word!!
Me: Nope. Pooped can mean you're really tired.
[About a 5 second pause and then...]
Isabel: Well then, I'm PEEPED!

For lunch she wanted a hang-ga-bur-ga (but got a hotdog instead) and pointed out that our neighbor had his mow-lawner.


On a separate note... STILL no camera. It's been 8 days. I am started to think it must be gone. : ( I've been looking at the Lumix FZ50. I really like it and the pictures it takes. I know that there is a new G series coming out in June but it's a bit more than I am willing to pay for a camera at this point. Anyone ever bought a used camera off of Ebay or Amazon? I'd love some feedback.

This Past Weekend

What a weekend! It started off with an incredible retreat for our local FCC bookclub. Twelve of us got together at a Bed and Breakfast in Saint Augustine for a fun escape. We were welcomed with a delicious wine reception by innkeeper Linda and then headed out to dinner at a local Italian restaurant. Though we were unsuccessful in finding a local karaoke spot, some of us ended up at a one of my old college stomping grounds from college, listening to a live band playing a pretty decent rendition of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. (Of course, I DID feel like the Moma of the group when one of the gals with me asked who Pink Floyd was.) [Groan.]
A sweet friend of mine from church watched Isabel overnight. When I picked her up, she was splashing away in the pool...loving every minute of it. So glad I signed her up for swim lessons next month. We ended up back in Saint Augustine on Sunday for Mother's Day visiting dear friends.

A wonderful weekend indeed.

A Pretty Picture....NOT!

I have lost my camera. (Not the first time.) I have a rechargeable battery and usually put my camera in a little box on my desk while it is charging. Well, the battery charged and I went to pop it in the camera but... it is nowhere to be found. I just KNOW it's somewhere in the house. I just can't find it. If it doesn't show up soon, I know what my tax refund check will be going toward.
Bummer.

White, Milk, or Dark...it's ALL good!

It's Teacher Appreciation Week at Isabel's school. We spent the evening making yummie chocolate dipped pretzels. Isabel helped with the non pareils. I think she did a pretty good job for her first time.
[To really torture yourself, click on each picture to enlarge it. ]

Movies in the Park

We were able to get together with some friends for a fun night outside watching Finding Nemo. Our city has Movies in the Park during April and May. The kids had fun. The weather was perfect. The movie was a classic.
A great way to spend a Friday night

Fashion Challenge Friday

It's that time of the week again... Fashion Challenge Friday. This week's presentation brought to you by the colors pink and purple, and all things princess.

Simple Pleasures

... a warm sweet pear


...a cold popsicle on a hot day (shared with your bear)


... discovering the joy of your first garden


Life doesn't get much better.

April Book Club

Vini, Vendi, Urini
(We came, we conquered, we peed our pants...from laughing!)



I was lucky enough to host this month's book club. As always, a fun night filled with intelligent conversation that descends into copious amount of laughter, preceeded by copious amounts of wine. (Anyone else seeing a connection there?)
It was such beautiful weather, I decided to have us start out the evening in the back yard at the pergola and then move in later on for the book discussion. As dusk approached, I asked if folks wanted to move in or stay where they were. Everyone wanted to stay put. The breeze was just glorious. I brought out candles and we laughed until very late. The running joke of the evening had to do with seating. I was expecting about 10 gals. Fifteen showed up. When we ended up spending the evening outside, we brought out my dining room chairs. Those, in addition to the other chairs and swing outside provided a seat for everyone... but one. I sat on the edge of the deck until my bottom was numb, at which point I brought out one of Isabel's little white chairs... as in... toddler-sized. As soon as the first person left to go to the bathroom, I jumped up and took their chair. This "Musical Chairs" ensued for the rest of the night, leaving many a gal making serious decisions about whether to remain in her current spot (and face a U.T.I.) or go for relief and be stuck with the WHITE chair. That chair never saw so much action in its two years at my house.

Fashion Challenge Friday

It's Fashion Challenge Friday.
So... I have been letting Isabel dress herself for a while now. Of course, she can wear the outfits only at home. Some of her latest creations have been...shall we say...INTERESTING?? This morning she wanted to wear tights...thick tights... thick, rainbow-striped tight. (Have I mentioned lately that we live in hot, humid Florida?) The "excitement" continued with the addition of a jean skort over the tights and some hot pink sandels. Rounding up the outfit was a (thankfully at least in the same color family) pink and brown shirt with daisies on it. I felt compelled to put the obligatory bow in her air... just for the heck of it. Of course, when I decided to loosen up and just go with the flow, I hadn't anticipated having to stop at two stores on the way home. Oh well, it's just clothes, right?

In the craziness that is our normal morning routine, I didn't think to get a photo of the outfit today. I do, however, have one of another creation from earlier in the week. [Note the tights... am I seeing a theme here?]

A Wake Up Call

Up until now, life for Isabel and me has been relatively smooth, but I know that very soon she will begin to recognize the differences between us. She will realize that we have different skin color, eye color and eye-shape. She will struggle and wrestle with issues that I can’t begin to understand. She has been asking me to tell her about her foster mom and dad for several months now. She (the animal lover) tells me she’s going “to visit my foster daddy because he has a farm.”

The awareness is beginning to surface and with it, the first steps in the lifetime journey of coming to peace with being a transracial adoptee to a single mother. I know that she will have to work through many difficulties. I know that she will encounter prejudice and racism that I, as a white person, have never had to deal with. I know that I can’t protect her from the world forever. I know that. I just wasn’t prepared to deal with it so soon.

I was at the hair salon on Wednesday. (Isabel was not with me.) I was sitting in the chair and tuned in to the rambling of the young (I later found out) 12-year-old behind me. She was yakking away about her mother getting the color wrong on her hair and that she “looked like a flippin’ China baby.” She repeated twice, each time with even more disdain in her voice.

I felt like someone had kicked me in my gut.

…and then she continued. “You know how THEY get their names??? The mother throws something at the wall and the sound it makes is what they call their kid. Ping. Dong. Wang. Ha ha ha!”

I wish I could describe what I felt but I am still processing it all. I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. I know there was anger…and disgust… and sadness. This was a TWELVE year old!!! Sixth grade!!!! How in the world could she come up with such things? Clearly, it was learned in an atmosphere of ignorance and fear and small-mindedness. It is a world that I have been protected from. It is a world that Isabel will be a part of.

I teach in an inner-city college prep school with a multicultural student body. My students are from Korea, Jamaica, Puerto Rico, China, the Philippines, Mexico and Russia. They are Hispanics, African Americans, White, bi-racial, multi-racial, rich, poor, big, small. Some live in the local neighborhood; others endure a 90-minute bus ride each way. It is a microcosm of the world. Though not perfect, there is a deep sense of respect for people and their culture. I love teaching there. I love that my daughter will have the opportunity to have classmates that look like her. I love that diversity is embraced. It is the world in which I have been living for the last 15 years.

However, it is not the world that a lot of people either live in…or want to live in. I needed to be reminded of that… not so much for my sake, but for my daughter’s.

Pool Party

Inflatable canoe. Tree fort. Grilled burgers. Watermelon.
Great Fun. Great Company. Great Kids. Great Day.
It doesn't get much better than this.
Thanks, Amy and Joshua!

Balancing

This is how I feel most days... trying to keep my balance, without crashing to the ground. Single parenting is both the best and most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. Most days I feel like I am just hanging on.

I stopped beating myself up a few months ago when I realized that I am doing the best I can. If that's not good enough for some, that's okay. They are not living my life.

I gave up trying to keep my yard in its pre-Isabel condition. Same goes with the house. I'll have plenty of time for that later. For now, I'll continue with the balancing act... and look to my daughter for the inspiration to do so with a smile on my face.

Tuition, Tea and Time

I licked the envelope, turned it over and put the stamp on it… a simple enough gesture. I picked up my pen to write the address and was surprised to find myself overcome with emotion. I teared up as I wrote Florida Prepaid Tuition on the envelope. In that moment I felt like I stepped out of the confines of time and watched as the next fifteen years flew by: as my sweet baby stood there among the students walking to the stage for her diploma, as she hugged me that last summer together and left for college. The whole thing lasted about 2 seconds and then I was back at the table with a checkbook before me. The writing of a simple check made the abstract became concrete.

I am reminded daily, by both behavior and words, that my baby is a baby no more. And yet (despite my out-of-time experience) she is not yet a young lady… though at times, I catch glimpses of who that person will be. For today, I get to relish the time between… the now.

Before I know it, she won’t be following me like a shadow. She won’t implore me to “Hold You!” She won’t be underfoot in the kitchen wanting to help. She won’t call from her bed for me to “Come snuggle.” The very thing I long for relief from right now, I will ache for then.

I need to remember that and try not to forget that this time is fleeting.
I need to try to live in the present.

It was with this mindset that I came to a lovely Teddy Bear Tea at Isabel’s school this afternoon. I felt my eyes fill with tears (yet again) when I arrived. The children were all dressed in fancy clothes and seated at tables covered in linen tablecloths. In front of them was all the china necessary for a lovely tea party. Napkins were in their laps and classical music played softly in the background. I watched Isabel pour herself a cup of raspberry tea and swirled in emotion. Sadness at the reality that my baby is truly gone, and wonder at the amazing little girl that has replaced her.

The party lasted about 30 minutes and ended with a dad reading Corduroy surrounded by children holding their own teddy bears. Simply beautiful.

Easter Morning

"Is it daytime yet, Mom?"

So began this beautiful day. I had been up until 2 am, filling and hiding eggs around the house. I purposely made myself see everything from Isabel's height, and had a blast hiding eggs in room corners, in plants, under beds and end tables, etc. It was quite an eye opener. I never really stopped to think of how she views the world. She was almost shaking with delight at discovering eggs everywhere. We didn't do the eggs last year, and the first year home, she was only 16 months old. So this, for all purposes, was her initiation. She followed the trail of the eggs from room to room and ended up in her little kitchen, at her Hello Kitty basket. So much fun.


A little later on, we headed to church for a second Easter egg hunt. We saw friends and afterward, made our way down to Saint Augustine for a wonderful day filled with people, food, laughter and the general chaos that I feel so at home with. And of course... the third Egg Hunt. This one led to a newly constructed Pirate Ship tree house. It is amazing! The kids (and some adults) played back there for hours. Just as the sun was setting, we headed down for a walk on the beach. Isabel proceeded to whip off her dress (it got wet from a wave) and ran/danced around the beach in her sparkly shoes, pink bow and Disney princess panties. Yup.. never a dull minute.

A wonderful day filled with wonderful people celebrating wonderful news.

Happy Easter!

Dyeing for Fun

So, I decided the best place to decorate the eggs would be outside. It was a beautiful day. I brought out the (previously hard-boiled) eggs, the egg dyeing package and some water. Isabel was just about beside herself with excitement. It was at this point that I realized I needed some vinegar. I ran in the house, only to find that the only kind I have is balsamic vinegar. (Sort of defeats the whole decorate-the-egg thing, if you are starting off with a dark brown vinegar, huh?) Fortunately, a neighbor helped us out and we were able to get to work.