The Times, They are a-Changin'

Thirteen years ago, I walked across a stage at the University of North Florida to receive my M.Ed. With the exception of  a couple of high school graduations held in their arena, I haven't spent much time there since.
Until this past January...when Isabel began taking language lessons there at The Jacksonville Chinese School on Sunday afternoons. I have been waiting for years for her to be old enough to begin. As a foreign language teacher, I know the importance of being exposed to a second (or third) language as early as possible. While I was in China, I visited a multi-storied version of Barnes and Noble to buy as many Chinese language children's CDs as possible. I wanted Isabel to remember the tones and cadence of the first language she ever heard.
Fast forward five years and she is once again being exposed to Chinese. So, for two hours a week, we trek over to the university for her lessons. Is the classroom management the best? No. Is the pacing wonderful? Nope. Do I care? Not a bit. And do you want to know why?   
Because for 120 minutes a week, my child is no longer... The Asian.
Instead, I am...The White Woman.
And I like that.
I need that. I need to remember that my child's world is not my world. I need to be reminded that while I waltz through my days oblivious to feeling out of place, Isabel is acutely aware of her difference.
We have entered a new developmental stage. You know, the one of growing awareness that, for all our love for each other, there will always be hard things that will be our reality. Being a trasracial adoptive single-parent family, it pops up in different ways. Like recently, when Isabel commented that the Barbie she got in her Happy Meal had "brown hair and brown skin like me, Mommy." Or when I received her recent Valentine's Day card that was addressed to Mom and Dad. When I asked her about Dad, she replied matter-of-factly, "He's in China."


I see changes. In little things and big. In subtle ways and obvious ones.
Yup.. the Times, They are a-Changin'.


PS. After our trek to UNF on Sunday, we discovered the class was canceled due to the holiday. Isabel asked to hang out on the steps for a while practicing her "Take-Aways" (subtraction) in her notebook.
We did.
She did.
Here are some images from then.

B+W Wednesday

China Pictures

First Days Together in Nanchang, Jiangxi

{Click on images to make them larger}

My Two Favorite Pictures in the world:

the first moments of when Isabel

was placed in my arms.

A mother at last.

Ceiling at the Teng Wang Pavilian

(Polluted) Nanchang Skyline in the Distance

The View From the Hotel Front Door

Three Years Ago Today...

... I sat in a conference room, nervously awaiting my name to be called. Our travel group had arrived at the hotel from Hong Kong less than two hours before. We all nervously awaited the arrival of the babies. Of the group, two of the families already had children; the rest of us were newbies. There were two other single women. I was, by far, the oldest mother-to-be in the bunch. We filled out paperwork and half listened to what the guides were telling us. At one point, I heard some babies crying and though my back was to the door, I saw a flash of red.

Our names were called alphabetically and I was second. I waited to see you in person… to hold you in my arms after waiting 46 long years... to become, in that moment, your mother. You were waiting in the doorway, in the arms of the orphanage director. You were observant and somewhat intrigued by all that was going on. I heard my name called, and then yours, Ling Wan Qing. Our IDs were checked and then, in a moment that both lasted an eternity and flashed by in a blink of an eye, you and I were mother and daughter. You wimpered a little bit and then checked me out. I apparently met your approval, for, within seconds, you were smiling, touching my face and putting your finger in my mouth. You laughed that night and played peek-a-boo. It was the beginning of a love that I never knew possible. You have brought such love and laughter and energy into my life.

You just turned four and have grown so much from that little baby put in my arms three years ago today. You love books, traveling, the beach, dancing, music and chocolate. You are bright, fiercely independent, competitive and generous. I love your infectious sense of humor. You have a tender heart and a tough spirit. You are everything I ever dreamed of in a daughter. How blessed am I to be called your mother.

Happy Third Gotcha Anniversary, Sweet Isabel.

Gotcha Day ~ January 21, 2007

Gotcha Day First Anniversary ~ January 21, 2008

Gotcha Day Second Anniversary ~ January 21, 2009

Gotcha Day Third Anniversary ~ January 21, 2010

Scott Simon

I have listened to NPR's Scott Simon for years. When I grab my cup of freshly ground coffee and tune in my radio on Saturday mornings, I feel like I am sitting down for a chat with a friend. His reports are intelligent, wise and compassionate... plus, he's got a great sense of humor. It wasn't until a couple of years ago, however, when listening to this, that I learned that his two daughters were adopted. I had somehow missed when he talked a few years earlier about traveling to China for the adoption of his first daughter. In a world where some celebrities seem to regard adopting a child as the latest fad, it is always refreshing to find someone with perspective, experience and wisdom.

A month ago today, Isabel turned four. Her world is changing, her thinking deeper and more reflective. The questions about her China mommy and foster mommy are more frequent. I know this year she will begin to wrestle even more with what is means to be adopted. When the answer of "China" no longer satisfies the question, "Where did I come from?", it's good to know that others have gone before me and are willing to share honestly about their experience of trying to find the right answers when the tough questions come. It reminds me that I am not alone in this journey. For that, I am most thankful.

Thoughts of China

A card from her orphanage on Saturday and her latest journal on Monday... China is never far from our thoughts.

Wow... seriously?

It began with the letter Q. As I picked up Isabel from preschool this afternoon, I checked her folder and found a cute piece of art on the letter Q. We have similar pieces taped around the house. When I saw it I said to Isabel, "Hey look! It's the letter Q, like your name." Another mom looked at me like I had suddenly grown a third eye. I explained that her Chinese name Qing Qing (pronounced Ching Ching) began with the letter Q.

Okay... now here is the strange part. She looked at me with a confused look on her face and said, "She's Chinese?" I told her yes, that I had adopted Isabel almost three years ago.

Her response: "I never knew that. I thought you had her, you know, yourself." She continued to tell me she thought my husband was Asian.

Now I was as confused as she was. Me? The almost 6 foot Irish American? With a Chinese husband? That thought would never have entered my mind... not because of the mixed races but because of the mixed heights. As a TALL woman (who has always been aware of my height), the thought of me being with a (traditionally) short Asian man never entered my mind...

... at least not before this conversation.

Three Years Ago Today...

December 1, 2006


... I sat in my classroom and watched as the face of my long-awaited daughter appeared on the computer screen. She was exactly one week shy of her first birthday. The picture was taken when she was about 9 months old. Her fluffy little hair was standing up and was apropos for a child born in the Year of the Rooster. Though I would not hold her in my arms for another 7 weeks, she won over my heart instantly.

What a glorious three years' journey this has been!

Each year on this date, I take a picture of Isabel holding her referral photo. Just amazing... the changes in so short amount of time.

December 1, 2009


December 1, 2008



December 1, 2007

First Day of Chinese Lessons

Isabel had her first official Chinese lesson this morning. A mother from our local FCC group coordinated all the details to start a small group (six children) of 4- to 6-year-olds. It should be fun. (Another group of 5- to 7-year-olds started their lessons this past summer.)

I knew all of the other children through FCC and Isabel was already friends with two of the girls. It looks like the children are going to get along fabulously!

New England Vacation

What a whirlwind of a trip this has been. We spent two days driving up the East Coast and met several fellow AP friends whom I've gotten to know through the adoption process: in New York we met fellow single moms Lorraine and MaryHelen, Jana who is mom to another Shangrao beauty named Gabriela, and then Sherry up in Vermont. The highlight was definitely the visit from Denise, Tasia and Emmi. With their arrival, Isabel and Emmi, her foster sister in China, were reunited.

It has not just been a trip about China sisters though... we have been fortunate to be able to spend time with family. Isabel has just LOVED being able to spend time with her cousins Tommy, Hailey and Bridget.(a.k.a The Didge.) I, too, was able to reconnect with my cousins on The Fourth of July with a visit to Cape Cod. I just loved catching up with Suzie and Stacy. And not to leave the other side of the family out... we were even able to spend some time with cousins Cheri, Arianna and Ian!

Best of all, after not seeing each other in over a year, Isabel and I were able to visit my mom. It was a wonderful day listening to them playing games and having tea. Isabel just loves her NaiNai and was so excited to have some one-on-one time with her.

Two more days before we head back to Florida. We head up to Maine tomorrow and then Boston on Wednesday to visit two friends from my college days at Northeastern. We will begin the drive home on Thursday which will mark the close of a wonderful vacation with great family and friends.

Foster Sisters Reunited

Last December I received an email from a woman in upstate New York who, through circumstances that I can only attribute to divine direction, was able to identify Isabel by her Chinese name as the foster sister of her daughter Emmi. The two girls are from the same orphanage but were put in foster care shortly after arriving. Both of us thought that our daughters were the only child with the foster parents. The pictures I had developed from the disposible camera I sent to China showed the same foster mom. Amazing!

Though we live at two different ends of the country (New York and Florida) our summer vacation to New England enabled us to reunite the girls after 2.5 years. A sweet afternoon.

The Florida Burke Girls Meet the New York Burke Girls

We arrived in New York safe and sound. (Well, if you don't count being pulled over at the toll booth by the guy in the uniform... but that's another story!) Isabel finally met Lily and Grace (daughters of a fellow adoptive mom whose name is so close to mine, it's eerie) and Gabriela (who is from the same Chinese orphanage as Isabel.) The girls had an absolute blast. So glad we were able to get together. Thanks so much, Lorraine, for inviting us.

I am having a little trouble uploadin pictures. Stay tuned!

First Leg of Trip Complete

After a surprisingly easy ten hour trip, (I have been converted to XM radio) we are now relaxing in Virginia.

Twinkles seems to be having some difficulty adjusting to spending the night in a hotel (yeah...RIGHT!!!)

The second leg is a 6.5 hour trip to New York tomorrow. I am excited to be meeting up with a couple of gals who are fellow adoptive moms. The daughter of one of them came home the same time as Isabel; the daughter of the other is from the same orphanage. Isabel is clearly excited about meeting some new friends. The whole way up, she kept repeating, "I can't wait to see my China sisters. Are we there yet?"
[Mental note: Remeber that three-year-olds have NO concept of time or distance.]

Until tomorrow,
Thelma signing off!